How Does Blaming, Judging, and Disapproving Affect Our Lives?

When we look around us every day, we notice how we evaluate people. We dislike some behaviors, find some attitudes meaningless, and criticize others because we cannot understand them. Although blaming, judging, and disapproving may seem like natural parts of daily life, it is important to recognize that these behaviors significantly affect our quality of life.

In this article, we will discuss what blaming, judging, and disapproving are, why we do them, how they limit us, and how we can distance ourselves from them. My goal is to remind you, in simple terms, that these behaviors harm us from a personal development perspective.

Why Do We Blame, Judge, or Find Others Incomprehensible?
First, it is useful to understand that one of the main reasons we evaluate people's behaviors and react negatively is our adherence to our own values. Each of us carries an internal perception of "right" and "wrong." This perception is shaped by our upbringing, society, education system, and life experiences.

When something conflicts with what we believe to be right, we automatically perceive that person or situation as wrong, inappropriate, or incomprehensible. This perception works like an internal defense mechanism. Unconsciously, we try to feel safe by thinking, "I wouldn’t do that, I wouldn’t think like that."

However, this way of thinking makes it harder to connect with others. Because when we judge others, we neglect to put ourselves in their shoes. Yet, we must remember that everyone has a different story and background.

What Is Blaming?
Blaming means negatively evaluating a person's behavior or choices. It usually carries a tone of accusation or contempt. For example, if a friend quits their job and moves to another city, you might say, "You must have lost your mind." This reflects not their decision but your expectations.

Blaming is often associated with anger or disappointment. When someone doesn’t act as you hoped, your tendency to blame them may increase. What’s important here is learning to accept that everyone may have different preferences.

What Does Judging Mean?
Judging means forming a positive or negative opinion about a person. Usually, it involves quickly making assumptions about someone’s character. For example, seeing someone on the street who rubs you the wrong way and thinking, "This person is rude and disrespectful," is an example of judging.

Our judgments often form unconsciously. Have you ever noticed how we can form opinions about someone based on their eye color, clothing, tone of voice, or even a single sentence?

Avoiding such judgments allows us to adopt a freer and more open mindset. Because when we judge someone, we see not their true identity but a biased version in our minds.

When Does Disapproval Arise?
Disapproval arises when we feel surprised or uncomfortable by something unexpected, unfamiliar, or seemingly illogical. For instance, if a friend tells me they dropped out of university at 30, I might say, "What? Why give up now?" In this case, anything outside what I consider "normal" seems strange to me.

Disapproval is often a reaction to differences. But this reaction is limited to our own perspective. Someone else taking a different path doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad or illogical.

How Do These Three Behaviors Limit Us?
Blaming, judging, and disapproving actually close certain doors in our lives. Their biggest impact is reducing our ability to connect with others. Because with such an approach, our chance to understand and empathize with others diminishes.

On the other hand, these behaviors can also poison our inner world. When we develop a habit of constantly evaluating others, we start feeling constantly judged ourselves. We keep ourselves under control, asking questions like, "Am I doing this right? Will they blame me?" and face internal pressure.

Additionally, these three behaviors weaken our ability to think flexibly. We start believing there’s only one right way. But the world is multidimensional; not everything is black and white. Such rigid thinking hinders both personal growth and social harmony.

Why Are These Attitudes Harmful for Personal Development?
The journey of personal development is about striving to live a more conscious, free, and profound life. On this path, we first need to listen to our inner selves and then observe our surroundings with a more open mind.

If we constantly blame others, can’t stop judging, and disapprove of differences, we fall short in the following areas:

- We lack empathy: We can’t put ourselves in others’ shoes.
- We lack understanding: Instead of approaching differences with patience, we react quickly.
- We lose flexibility: We struggle to accept life’s changing nature.
- We make ourselves fragile: We judge ourselves as much as we judge others, which lowers our self-confidence.

So How Can We Change?
Changing isn’t easy, but it’s possible. The key is developing awareness. Noticing when we tend to blame, judge, or disapprove in daily life is the first step.

1. Practice Empathy
   When blaming someone, pause and ask: "What would I do in their place? What would I experience if I were them?" This simple question helps us see many things differently.

2. Question Yourself
   When judging someone, ask: "Where is this judgment coming from? Am I really right, or do we just think differently?"

3. Accept Differences
   Not everyone has to follow the same path. Not everyone has to share the same values. This diversity is actually part of the world’s beauty.

4. Listen, Don’t Analyze
   When listening to someone, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or judge. Just listen. Try to understand the other person’s story.

5. Listen to Your Inner Critic
   When you judge others, are you sure you’re not directing the same judgment at yourself? Listen to your inner dialogue. Maybe you’re unconsciously judging yourself often too.

The Key to Connection: Understanding
The more we understand others, the stronger our connections with them become. Understanding doesn’t come from blaming, judging, or disapproving. It grows with patience, curiosity, and sincerity.

When you understand someone, the distance between you closes. That person is no longer just "different" but becomes a "human." And this difference fundamentally changes our relationships.

In Conclusion...
Although blaming, judging, and disapproving may seem like natural parts of daily life, they actually close us off to ourselves and others. These behaviors slow our personal growth, weaken our connections, and disrupt our inner peace.

Remember (I meant to say "don’t forget," but you asked me to use the word "remember"), when you read this article, when you blame, judge, or disapprove of someone, you’re actually confronting your own inner world. Developing this awareness helps you understand not only your surroundings but also yourself better.

Life’s beauties are often hidden in unexpected places. Moving away from our expectations, being open to differences, and not immediately evaluating everything we encounter lead us to a freer and happier life.

And most importantly: Every person is trying to live their own story. While we try to understand their stories, we can also rewrite our own.

Thank you for reading this article. I hope it gives you a new perspective and becomes a small but meaningful step in your personal development journey.