Chapter - 4 THE DIVINE LANGUAGE OF THE UNIVERSE “The Awakening”
CHAPTER 4 * FORGIVENESS AND A NEW START
FORGIVENESS AND A NEW START
“The grandest virtue is of the man who obliges the one he had been conflicted; who serves the ignorant of generosity; who forgives the one hiding behind the evil”
Mohammad the Prophet (SAV)
I have spoken of my awakening process, so far. I intended to accept everything I have lived. I took a step forward and chose to forgive everything and everyone which and who have been “hard” with me so far. It was smooth up to here... But there were matters not provided for. Forgiveness and acceptance were not the same. During the exercises on acceptance, I was experienced obstacles with forgiveness!
They say “Only virtuous people can forgive.” In this context, I unstoppably tried to forgive. Even though I reconciled myself to the idea of “self-attraction” of all the experiences, I kept failing at forgiving people and events making up those experiences.
I scream inside: “Noooooooo! I did such favour to you, I did put my labour on you, and you did this to me! I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE YOU!!” As I kept saying “never”, I carried on attracting people and events into my life that I could never forgive.
I figured out an example: When a car breaks down on the road, you need to pull in that car. In order to pull the car in, you need to stand still on your feet and push the car to the trackside with your hands. But that was not what I was doing. I was pushing with one hand and one foot above the ground. How many people do you know who can easily push a car with one hand and a foot above the ground? The leg I was lifting and the arm I was hiding behind me were in fact the people and the events of my history who and which I had had problems and could not forgiven. I was constantly sending my current energy towards the prior negative memoirs and events.
The more I thought the past negativities the more I could not proceed. I made no headways. There were lots of thoughts in my mind and I had been eaten my heart out to find answers of various questions such as “How am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to pay? How will it be? How will I manage? What if I cannot? What if?”
Whenever I surrender to the past, I was used to get such angry that I even cannot handle the things I was doing at that moment. I decided to negotiate with myself: I was going to give up wasting my energy on thinking the past.
During this process, I attended to lots of practices on “forgiveness” and learned lots of techniques. Among those, the following two have been the most effective ones:
The first: Respiration from the nose (diaphragm respiration)
The second: Writing every negative event onto a white paper and burning them.
There was a wise saying related to this: “You cannot add water to a full pitcher” The negative thoughts and memoirs were full inside of my head. Then, the first thing that I needed to do was to empty my “container”.
I kept writing the negativities onto papers and burning them. What I was writing and when I was burning them were of no importance. But it literally worked. There were thousands of things that I could not tell anyone but myself, and it was such a relief to write. While burning them I used to say “What is lived is lived!”; and after they are all burnt, I felt relieved. It felt myself such relieved as if I was baring my soul. I was doing therapy to myself.
I had doubts for some time: “Am I assuming the Pollyanna attitude?” It was a sort of happiness play. On the contrary, what I was doing was trying to find the reasons why I kept attracting those events into my life and seeking the answer of the question “What do I need to learn?”
I was consuming the most of my time with thinking the events that had annoyed or broken me in the past. In other words, I kept losing my energy. In order to progress, I started to forgive people respectively. In this forgiveness process, I thought that I needed to make peace with them or talk to them again which was not something that I ever wanted to do. “Farther than me, closer to the rage of God”: Now I can perceive how dangerous this sentence has been. As long as I kept wishing him to be farther than me and be closer to the God, I got myself remote of the God in the first place!
Later, I understood that I did not need to meet them at all. An inner-forgiveness was sufficient. If I would manage to feel completely nothing against them, it would surely mean a clearance and forgiveness anyway. Therefore, I could be able to use the energy efficiently which I was sending to that certain person or event.
I encountered to those people, even the ones I didn’t see for many years, as I kept forgiving them. What an interesting thing was that! I have not seen him/her for five years, I forgave him three days ago and now I am seeing him/her in front of me. This was a confrontation: I have felt the anger inside just as the moment I saw them. In other words, I thought I have forgiven, however I haven’t in fact.
This divine order was testing me or what? “Did I really forgive? Or do I think I have?” This wasn’t only restricted with people. I was also forgiving the events I
have experienced. After short time, I experienced similar things again and confronted them. This was a vicious circle. As I kept experiencing similar things the anger appeared. And that is how I understood I could not achieve the complete forgiveness.
Finally, I managed to solve the system. The divine order has got a cycle-mechanism which works unstoppably until one truly forgives, thus shifts them into love. As long as I haven’t forgiven, I experienced the same things over and over. Through this realization, I started forgiving decidedly. The divine order corresponded our paths again. Whenever I saw my ex partner, I was full with anger. We both were, finally, relieved as soon as I have managed not to feel anything when I see her. At first, it seemed amazing to me.
My former partner who was the one I had exerted myself for through sacrifices, caused no anger while she was standing in front of me. I felt no offenses: “What a wonderful feeling!” Forgiving someone and speaking to her without any disturbing emotion were beautiful. I immediately thanked: “Thanks very much! Thank God!”
In time, I felt the same as I kept encountering other people and events that I tried to forgive. There was neither rage nor a trace of anger. Forgiving people is honestly a great feeling.... Especially the ones who you served the most for, who hurt you the most, whoever you think that you can never forgive. There was a peace in me, in particular following the forgiveness towards the ones whom I served the most for.
“This must be one of the greatest feelings ever” I thought.
As long as I kept forgiving them, I came to the realization that the abundance of my work was increasing and my senses were becoming stronger. Everything started to improve...
Summarizing the context of the book from the very beginning, it can be said that;
1. I realized that my life was led by my fears.
2. Any time referring difficult experiences means the time for “AWAKENING AND REMEMBERING FOR THE SELF-AWARENESS”
3. The deeper I sleep, the tougher people and events I attract into my life –which surely would wake me up!.
4. I gave up on finding the responsible outside and blaming myself for my experiences.
5. I forgave my past through considering the negativities I experienced not as simple negativities but a composition of people and events that have contributed my awakening phase.
6. I, especially, “for my own sake”, forgave the ones who I had thought that “I could never forgive”.
7. I don’t have to speak to the people I have forgiven.
8. I developed awareness that it is adequate not to feel anything when I think of them, hear of them or run into them.
9. I don’t have to seem strong and please everyone.
10. Well! The best feelings on Earth are ACCEPTANCE AND FORGIVENESS.
Forgiveness SETS me FREE.